I’ve been drifting for so long now. And quite honestly I wanna be that 16 year old boy that ran away from everything, home, school, my family.. I want to wake up in my bed. I want to not worry about the things I do now. I threw away so much, leaving that place. I want my mom. I want to know she is in the room down the hall. I want to be grounded, I want to eat at the dining room table with my family. I want my sister.. I want to tell her I’m sorry for leaving and that I’m sorry I got in that car and drive off that night. I have so much I wish I did. I wanted to graduate.. I wanted to make my mom proud, I wanted to try and fix things with my dad and I wanted him to love me. That night that I got in that car, i remember my mom begging me to stop, telling me i was making a mistake. But I just wanted to stop being a burden on her. I had broken her apart so many times. I told her I’d never come home. And I was right I never did. I spent countless nights sleeping with different guys, carrying around a backpack.. Just to have a place to sleep for the night. I never had the heart to tell my mom I needed her. So I flew 1500 miles away from home. Trying to run from everything I did. I was just a kid, I was lost.. I saw things I never wanted to see. Everyday that passed I wanted to rewind it all. I wanted my innocence back, the one thing that I took for granted so I could bury my future behind. I thought I was an adult when I made that choice, when I decided to throw my life away to be used, to be someone who I honestly don’t know and may never know. To let this world eat me alive, and let men beat me down, take advantage of the only thing I had left, my childhood. I’m a runner, always have been since then. I’ve been running wherever my feet would take me. I wanted to get to the greener grass, wishing I’d make it home one day and wake up in my bed and realize its been one big nightmare. But that’s just it. I’m not dreaming, it has been. I never wanted to look ahead from that day and say I’d be who I am. I’m not ashamed of it, I just wish someone could have saved me from myself. I may still be young, and this may have been a mistake five years in the making.. But I’ve let these years slip through the cracks, hoping it would all fall back into place.. It doesn’t. And I used to want, I used to dream of so much, I had hope for something great. I used to sing all the time, and smile more often. It got the best of me, I couldn’t wait to get out and live free. People and places were out there. And I went willingly.. Honestly though, I’d give back everything. Each year, each Christmas alone and the birthdays crying in bed. If someone told me what was going to happen when I drive away that night, when I knowingly killed their hearts. I swear I’d give it all away just to go back. I’ve wanted a lot in my life, more than anything to go home.

A camera lens and careful days

Dirty.. Because we all are guilty of being so.

Eat your heart out

Eat your heart out